The Quilt

Published: February 22, 2009  ~   0
By Laura Edwards

Mom is back from San Diego; she arrived on the red eye this morning. I have many things to report from her journey out west and will do so in time. Tonight, though, I just want to share some reflections from her time with Daniel Kerner, who is nine years old and has late infantile NCL, and Daniel’s mother, Joanna. Together, Daniel and Taylor form the bookends of the historic clinical trial in Portland, OR. Daniel was number one; Taylor was the sixth and final participant. Joanna and my mom have talked with one another countless times across cyberspace and telephone wires, forever connected by their children’s at once great hope and great sacrifice that was their experience in Portland, but they had never met in person. Since the day I was first contacted by another family stricken by Batten disease, as ours is, I have struggled to put words to the relationship that is forged between us all, even if the road between us stretches thousands of miles, as in the case of the Kings and the Kerners. However, Joanna’s most recent CaringBridge journal post recounting the time she and Daniel spent with my mom described it beautifully, so I emailed Joanna and asked her if she would share her words with me. She said yes, so I’ll share them with you now:

“Meeting Sharon King, Taylor’s mom, for the first time was immediately comfortable and welcoming. There was no way that I would not bring Daniel to meet Sharon. We exchanged gifts for the kids; Taylor sent Daniel a UNC baseball cap signed by the Women’s Basketball coach Sylvia Hatchell, and Daniel gave Taylor his newly edited Braille book entitled Love. Someday, Daniel and Taylor will have an opportunity to meet in person. Until then, they will have a coast-to-coast friendship through their moms. There is a special bond the moms share that is on a level deeper than any peer friendships. We are woven together into a different cloth of life that creates a strong and compassionate quilt, assembled painfully through heartbreak and upheaval, grief and acceptance, strength and perseverance. A quilt, we hope, big and strong enough to smother the dragon and deliver our children back to their childhood dreams.”

As I write these words from my living room on the East Coast, Daniel is on the West Coast, probably sharing the company of his parents and his older brother and sister, perhaps eating dinner with them, no doubt making happy memories (because they, with the exception of our constant search for the cure, are the central purpose of every day we are given). Thousands of miles away, I am searching for answers, in the world out there and within my heart. I am fighting for Taylor. I am fighting for Daniel.

Cellar Door

Published: February 17, 2009  ~   1
By Laura Edwards

Google the phrase ‘Cellar Door,’ and you’ll get a range of responses. The Wikipedia entry on the subject explains that J.R.R. Tolkien first described the sound the words make together as “intrinsically beautiful.” Say the phrase out loud, and you’ll understand. ‘Cellar Door,’ though it is the name of a physical object that is anything but beautiful, is just that.

‘Laughter’ spelled doesn’t look as pretty as it sounds. And if one is laughed at rather than laughs with, ‘laughter’ is not pleasing at all. But laughter, when it comes in its unbridled form from a child who has plucked happiness from a singular moment and embraced it in a hug, is beautiful. I love almost nothing more than listening to Taylor laugh. In those moments, ‘laughter’ is, to again borrow from Tolkien, “more beautiful than the sky.”

Yesterday, we went to Chapel Hill for the UNC – Georgia Tech women’s basketball game. Taylor got to meet UNC’s Coach Sylvia Hatchell beforehand and enjoyed the game – cheering louder than everyone else in the arena and at all the right times – from a seat right by the court. For my sister, though, her happiest moments came when Rameses, the UNC mascot, came to visit with her. The road from Charlotte to Chapel Hill stretches 150 miles, but I would have driven 15,000 to hear her laughter and see it in her eyes and in her smile in those fleeting moments.

Taylor has taught me a lot about what is beautiful, much of which comes from knowing how to appreciate the living elements in things, whether they be the whimsical notes of a cello or the whisper of the ocean as it laps against the shore. The cello and the ocean are also visually beautiful, but to recognize the beauty of their voices is to understand them more deeply. I have always loved the ocean, but I never truly heard its beauty until after my little sister had gone blind, when I went on a walk one early evening last summer and closed my eyes as the cool water washed over the tops of my feet and fell back again, over and over. I missed the sunset, but I didn’t feel as though I had lost anything at all. Taylor will never see another sunset in her lifetime, but she will forever teach me new things about the hues of golds and reds that grace the sky.